What am I doing?

Lately, I have been having some trouble focusing. Normally I would attribute my distractions to the Christmas season. This, I have to admit, is understandable. How can one expect a person to be productive with there's five seasons of Angel on DVD just waiting to be watched? You can't really. Especially if that person is me. So I was under the impression that the reason I didn't even glance at my homework last week was because of the massive pile of wonderful books and DVDs I got for Christmas. The only flaw in that theory is that I didn't read any of the books I got for Christmas last week, and there were times (god forbid) that I got a little restless with watching Angel. So how did I manage to avoid accomplishing anything? Of course now we're all thinking, "she's a teenager, she's supposed to be lazy." Which in some cases is regrettably true, however, I like to think that when it's necessary I can be a very productive human being. Unfortunately, I've encountered this overwhelming lack of motivation in the last month that likely has stemmed from being accepted into CNU.
I feel like my academic efforts for the past four years have been rewarded, and now I would like to rest. The problem with this is that I am in no way finished. In addition to having two semesters of classes left, those classes are all IB and therefore require IB testing of some sort. Lucky me! This includes IAs. For those of you who don't speak IB that means internal assessment. Which roughly translates into hellish research projects I have no desire to do. Just the thought of having to do these projects, is painfully overwhelming so my brilliant 'dealing' technique has been exactly the opposite. Not thinking about them, not dealing with them. Unfortunately that plan was short lived and now I have a pile of projects knocking on my door threatening to blow my house down and I don't have a fire place. Any yet, everytime I sit down to work my brain shuts off. Suddenly everything else becomes much more important. I've learned in the past few years that I cannot work in a messy room. If my bedroom is messy I can't do my homework. It's too much of a distraction for me. . . I've cleaned my room, four times in the last week trying to get rid of that distraction. I still haven't done any of my homework. This has left me dissapointed and frustrated. I'm angry at myself for letting almost two weeks pass without furthering myself at all. And now, at the end of the last day that I had to work on my assignments I'm too overwhelmed to even know where to begin. I have let myself fall into what is becoming a bottomless pit.

Right now, I can't help but think that I could have gotten into CNU without the IB program and it would be nice to not have to deal with all of that.

*Sigh*

Oddly enough this blog started with a direction. It ended up being more of a rant than I'd intended.

My Apologies.